I had lunch with a friend today and she posed the question "where do you see yourself in five years?". Nonwithstanding circumstances beyond my control and the God-directing factor, it is an interesting question to chew on. Where am I headed and am I doing anything intentional about getting there? Or am I living in the moment, with a day-by-day perspective and forgetting that those days add up to months, and those months add up to years, and if I’m not careful, five years will come and go without much input from me.
In five years, I will be 36 years old. I’ve never been one to be depressed about aging. In fact, every year is better than the one before – a pattern I expect to continue. However, I am notorious (no matter what you perceive about me) for not using my time wisely. All of the sudden the four months I had to prepare for the youth event have turned into four days much to my dismay. If I apply this all-too-common phenomenon to my life at large, will I discover on my 36th birthday, much to my dismay, that the last five years vanished without me doing anything with intention?
As I’ve thought about this "five years from now" question throughout the day, I appear to hover around two general ideas. The first is to leave room for the unexpected! I have no desire to return to predictability and calendared life accomplishments. Remember – I am taking an intense liking to the unexpected. I will resist the temptation to calculate the more general moments and experiences of my life so that I am free to ride life with reckless abandonment. The second is to spend some time in honest reflection about whether I am doing what my soul needs to be doing and if not, do I have the courage to do whatever it takes to be true to the needs of my soul? I can live with not knowing details and particulars. What I can’t live with is a life without kingdom consequence and personal integrity.
I have no idea if this is making any sense at all. It is 1 am and I tend to get a little philosophical late at night after living in my head all day. Thanks, Cari, for screwing up my day with a simple little question. Just kidding – I get energy from stuff like this. Yes, this is confirmation that I am sick and irreversibly skrewed – not that any of you needed further confirmation of this.
On a lighter note, my dad and Kailey’s dad made it safely to Lithuania. Now, its up to Eastern Europe to protect themselves from the influence of these two men. Good luck with that.
Peace – Melissa