There are times when you know that your day will not be productive. You just have that feeling, that presence of mind that makes it difficult to get moving or focused on tasks. Today was one of those days. I wasted a good portion of the day. Some would say that is the intent of vacation days but I feel otherwise. I paid bills and took care of a few things but that was primarily it. I ended the day with a fierce game of racquetball with Dan. I actually won a game this time and of course, it was great to expend some energy that had been building up.
I watched Must Love Dogs tonight. I was really eager to see it when it was on at the movies but never got there. Watching it tonight, however, I was fairly indifferent to it. It never really did pull me in and more often than not, I found the characters and story pretty shallow. There was a rich opportunity to really dig into the drastic measures people go to meet someone or the well-meaning but not appreciated steps friends and family take to help their loved ones find a "match" so that they can be happy and complete in life. I guess it just struck a nerve with me tonight. So many are held captive by the desire for that special someone, for that one-of-a-kind relationship with a soul mate. When I see the desperation in others, it makes me sad that it consumes them so. But it also bothers me because I recognize that desperate feeling in myself at times. Some days are just fine. Some days I’m happy as a lark going it on my own. But then there are other days. Other days where the desire for a soul mate, a best friend, is incredibly strong. Days when you remember the richness and joy of being a valued member of a two-person team against the rest of the world. Days when you replay feelings of contentment and excitement that come at the beginning of special relationships when all that lies ahead of you is hope and possibilities. Days when you long to have someone to talk through your day with or to simply hold hands with as you say nothing because nothing needs to be said. Those days are hard. But they don’t last. Eventually, they come to an end and a new day begins.
As do the years in our life. 2005 was a rough year in my life. A rough year on the heart. A rough year on the innocence. But a year doesn’t last. Eventually, it, too, comes to an end and a new year begins. Life is too short to let the hard things linger too long. At some point, we must choose to close it out, find peace in whatever way we can, and move forward. As 2005 fades out, my prayer is that you will join me in closing out the rough days of 2005, make peace with whatever and whomever you must, and move forward with great anticipation towards 2006.
Peace – Melissa
Kayla – thanks for your post. One of my promises to myself at the beginning of this blog journey was to be honest on this site. I do know that God is all that I need and am very thankful for my relationship with God. Grateful beyonds words. But I am human too and so I must be honest in sharing my human feelings. I agree life is not to be lived alone but it might be that the cherish relationships one has is through friends and family rather than a husband or wife. I am okay to be single for my life. But I wouldn’t be real if I said I never longed for a soulmate either. That is a bad thing or a silly thing. It is a honest result of the way God made us. But, as Paul said, I’ve learned to be content in whatever the circumstances.
Love you, Kayla, and appreciate your thoughts and sharings. Hope to see you soon at church.
I’ve little to say regarding your situation besides that I can indeed relate, and that you are much loved.
In retrospect, I would say that the year has been better than many others, and I do agree, it has been difficult on the heart. At the same time, so very wonderful. Or rather, parts of it. Being the stubborn little lady I am, I cannot say that I’d like to simply let go of it. Unlike other times, I would not like to just start over.
A measurable period of time on Earth cannot force me to turn over a new leaf. And so with the coming year, I don’t believe I will do so. I suppose I always did have a tendency to be late anyway.
Surely life is not meant to be lived alone. Or so I like to believe. A look at myself leads me to think otherwise. As despondent as it may be, perhaps some are not, in fact, meant to have what is considered a soul mate. But enough about that. I would think with you being a strong woman, not to mention a wonderful youth pastor, that you would realize the only one you ever truly need would be Jesus. That He will be there to hold your hand and such. Granted, I don’t depend on Him myself, nor do I have much intention to at this point, but surely you would know this.
What can a partner do for you that God cannot? Eh, not much, my friend.
Such feelings, such wishes, will not do you much good now. Silly emotions have a habit of getting to a person. And in turn, comes awful strain on the heart. But tell me, when was the last time Jesus did so?
I suppose what I am getting at is that when you find yourself with great longings for a mate, for someone to be there with you, you must remember that someone always is. That someone who will gladly listen to you speak of your day, among other things.
And I thought I had little to say. Ha. Never mind that most of that is rambling and words that may not even relate to your troubles or do any sort of good. Go figure.
But the ladygirl wanted to place her two cents.