Random Reflections

Ode to My Mother

[Centipede Update:  It is with slight regret that I announce the death of the bed centipede.  After a long night of ziploc exploration, the centipede expired sometime Saturday morning prior to 8 a.m.  Public viewing of the body will be Tuesday night from 7:00 – 7:30 pm prior to C-Group followed by a brief funeral at 7:30 pm. Memorials can be made to the "Ziploc Fund" in care of Melissa Hatfield.]

Had family over today for a lunch in honor of Mother’s Day.  The rain held off for grilling* which was a definite "kudos" event. (*note that my grill worked superbly despite its erroneous construction by yours truly.)  Served lemon-peppered chicken; green beans; au gratin potatoes; and homemade bread along with apples crisp or chocolate brownie sundaes for dessert.  Yes -we gorged in true holiday fashion. It was a nice afternoon although my mother’s day gift didn’t make it due to a sinus infection.  Other than that the afternoon went off without a hitch.

Just a brief ode to my mom whom I love deeply:  My mom is an amazing, strong woman of great character and integrity.  She is a hero to me for her commitment to goodness and to truly caring for people and especially her family.  She is my role model of how to be a woman who honors, loves and protects her husband and children.  She is genuine, empathetic, strong, good, selfless and a woman of faith.  Mom – I love you and consider you and Dad to be the richest blessings of my life.  Thanks for all the special ways – both known and unknown – that you care for me.

Tonight was Chi Alpha with the youth and it was so good to be back with them.  I hadn’t seen most of my youth for about a week and a half and I really missed them.  They always make me feel better.  We played some frisbee together and then had a good evening of worship.  Tomorrow it is back to the work world.  I have had a wonderful vacation and it seems like it has been a long time since I was at work.  I’ve been super productive and my house is in the best shape and order that it has been in since I’ve been here (almost five years).

I’m going to head to be early tired because I’m exhausted from too many late nights of processing.  I’ve got some personal decisions or situations that I’m thinking through along with some major work responsibilities and these have been weighing on my mind and keeping me up.  But I think I am exhausted enough tonight that I should fall asleep soon.

I do want to leave with this quote from a website that struck me:

I remember this wonderful little boy, but he was conning everyone. I kept looking straight at him, “in the soul,” and finally he put his hands up over his eyes and said, “You’ve got to quit looking at me like that. I can look at people like that, but you can’t look at me like that.” And I completely understood him and I said, “I know who you are, and it’s not bad. It’s good, you’re good, and you have promise.” That’s what people want to hear—I see you, I value you, I care what you’ll become, and I wish to be a part of that if you need me.

I feel like that little boy often.  Wanting to cover my eyes when I feel like someone is truly seeing into my soul and say "Stop trying to really know me. I can do that but you can’t."  For we all have the deep, vulnerable parts of our soul that we want to protect and keep hidden from others.  When I feel like someone is getting close enough to see those areas without my permission or choice, it is downright scary and in honesty, quite rare.  Which I guess is what makes it so scary.  But we all need someone genuine in our life who can see us that way and say "I really see you; I really value you,  I really care about what you’ll become and I want to be a part of that if you will let me."   This is something that I can easily say to others but it is entirely different for me to receive it from someone. That is quite difficult and quite vulnerable.  But God is teaching me that in order to cultivate true community, it is necessary for me to receive from others.  That is incredibly hard for me and very uncomfortable and unnatural for me.  I simply don’t know how to do that even though I recognize my desire and need for it.  So, if you see me put my hands over my eyes and peek out at you, be patient and caring enough with me to start prying my fingers away – one at a time.  I may be persistent with the third finger remaining until the end but don’t let that deter you.  It is just a last ditch effort at protection and to see whether you’ll run or whether you’ll stay.

Peace – Melissa

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