What was going to be a good night’s sleep has turned out differently and I must honestly say that I am pissed right now as I type this. I was in bed by 10:45 pm and ready to have a needed 8-hours of sleep. I was freshly showered and set to go. That was nearly 3 hours ago and instead of rest, I have laid in bed thinking non-stop. It has been awhile since I had restless nights but they have returned recently and it is so frustrating. I hate being tired and sluggish during the day. I hate laying in bed physically tired but unable to sleep. Sometimes I know early enough that this is the kind of night I am going to have and can take something. Other times – like tonight- it takes me by surprise.
Tonight was our Common Ground pool party and I had a great time. We had an awesome turnout and some new faces and that makes me excited. I played pool volleyball nearly the whole time – good workout for nearly 2 hours. I should be tired enough to sleep -right?
When I talk about restless nights, people who don’t experience these kinds of nights ask me what I think about. You know – those annoying people who go to sleep as soon as their head hits the pillow – the people I’m tempted to hate. So, I’ll make an attempt to answer the question – What do I think about that keeps me from sleeping? Many times it is about something in life that I am stressing or worrying about. If I don’t have peace in an area of life, that can be the focus of my thoughts. Often it is replaying events related to that area that have happened recently. Sometimes, I imagine different scenarios and play them out – without realizing it. It isn’t like I consciously say to myself, "Now, imagine how this would have been different if "A" had happened instead of "B". It just happens and it is much later into it that I realized that I just replayed hours of events based on one or two minor changes in mine or someone else’s behavior or speech. Sometimes they are changes for the worse; sometimes for the better. Rarely does it do me any good. Sometimes I am overwhelmed with several things that I need to do. So I go through the list and think about each one that needs to get done. I guess it is just one of the ways I deal with stress and let me just say – it sucks. Seriously – I may sound like I’m being slightly humorous here but that is only because I don’t wish to sound so negative and whiney. (is it working???) I really am quite angry and frustrated right now. So not only do I have the frustration of life issues that keep me from sleeping but I am frustrated that I can’t sleep. And what needed to be a productive Friday is very likely going to be unproductive because I will be tired.
Sorry to rant but I needed to do something other than lay in bed and since this is my blog, well – tough. I have paid for the right to rant and you don’t have to read this if you don’t want to. Oops – sorry, too late.
In other news, my talk in Troy went well. Thanks for your prayers. I had safe travel and a great chance to catch up with my friends from that area. Today I had my eye appointment – first one in about 8 – 10 years. When I paid, I remembered why I don’t do these appointments. I made the transition to soft contact lenses from gas perm lenses. This is a necessary change for three months to prepare my eyes for the Lasik surgery that I am going to have later in 2005 most likely. I’m tired of messing with contacts. Cut my eyes. Bring it on.
Okay – I’m quitting. I’m hoping that my blogging has been a successful transference of my anger and thinking so that now I’ll collapse into bed for the remaining hours I have to sleep.