Restless Nights Return

What was going to be a good night’s sleep has turned out differently and I must honestly say that I am pissed right now as I type this.  I was in bed by 10:45 pm and ready to have a needed 8-hours of sleep.  I was freshly showered and set to go.  That was nearly 3 hours ago and instead of rest, I have laid in bed thinking non-stop.  It has been awhile since I had restless nights but they have returned recently and it is so frustrating.  I hate being tired and sluggish during the day.  I hate laying in bed physically tired but unable to sleep.  Sometimes I know early enough that this is the kind of night I am going to have and can take something. Other times – like tonight- it takes me by surprise. 

Tonight was our Common Ground pool party and I had a great time.  We had an awesome turnout and some new faces and that makes me excited.  I played pool volleyball nearly the whole time – good workout for nearly 2 hours.  I should be tired enough to sleep -right?

When I talk about restless nights, people who don’t experience these kinds of nights ask me what I think about.  You know – those annoying people who go to sleep as soon as their head hits the pillow – the people I’m tempted to hate.  So, I’ll make an attempt to answer the question – What do I think about that keeps me from sleeping?  Many times it is about something in life that I am stressing or worrying about.  If I don’t have peace in an area of life, that can be the focus of my thoughts. Often it is replaying events related to that area that have happened recently.  Sometimes, I imagine different scenarios and play them out – without realizing it.  It isn’t like I consciously say to myself, "Now, imagine how this would have been different if "A" had happened instead of "B".  It just happens and it is much later into it that I realized that I just replayed hours of events based on one or two minor changes in mine or someone else’s behavior or speech.  Sometimes they are changes for the worse; sometimes for the better.  Rarely does it do me any good. Sometimes I am overwhelmed with several things that I need to do.  So I go through the list and think about each one that needs to get done. I guess it is just one of the ways I deal with stress and let me just say – it sucks.  Seriously – I may sound like I’m being slightly humorous here but that is only because I don’t wish to sound so negative and whiney. (is it working???) I really am quite angry and frustrated right now.  So not only do I have the frustration of life issues that keep me from sleeping but I am frustrated that I can’t sleep.  And what needed to be a productive Friday is very likely going to be unproductive because I will be tired.

Sorry to rant but I needed to do something other than lay in bed and since this is my blog, well – tough.  I have paid for the right to rant and you don’t have to read this if you don’t want to.  Oops – sorry, too late. 

In other news, my talk in Troy went well. Thanks for your prayers.  I had safe travel and a great chance to catch up with my friends from that area.  Today I had my eye appointment – first one in about 8 – 10 years.  When I paid, I remembered why I don’t do these appointments.  I made the transition to soft contact lenses from gas perm lenses.  This is a necessary change for three months to prepare my eyes for the Lasik surgery that I am going to have later in 2005 most likely.  I’m tired of messing with contacts.  Cut my eyes.  Bring it on.

Okay – I’m quitting.  I’m hoping that my blogging has been a successful transference of my anger and thinking so that now I’ll collapse into bed for the remaining hours I have to sleep.