Random Reflections

Restless Nights Return

What was going to be a good night’s sleep has turned out differently and I must honestly say that I am pissed right now as I type this.  I was in bed by 10:45 pm and ready to have a needed 8-hours of sleep.  I was freshly showered and set to go.  That was nearly 3 hours ago and instead of rest, I have laid in bed thinking non-stop.  It has been awhile since I had restless nights but they have returned recently and it is so frustrating.  I hate being tired and sluggish during the day.  I hate laying in bed physically tired but unable to sleep.  Sometimes I know early enough that this is the kind of night I am going to have and can take something. Other times – like tonight- it takes me by surprise. 

Tonight was our Common Ground pool party and I had a great time.  We had an awesome turnout and some new faces and that makes me excited.  I played pool volleyball nearly the whole time – good workout for nearly 2 hours.  I should be tired enough to sleep -right?

When I talk about restless nights, people who don’t experience these kinds of nights ask me what I think about.  You know – those annoying people who go to sleep as soon as their head hits the pillow – the people I’m tempted to hate.  So, I’ll make an attempt to answer the question – What do I think about that keeps me from sleeping?  Many times it is about something in life that I am stressing or worrying about.  If I don’t have peace in an area of life, that can be the focus of my thoughts. Often it is replaying events related to that area that have happened recently.  Sometimes, I imagine different scenarios and play them out – without realizing it.  It isn’t like I consciously say to myself, "Now, imagine how this would have been different if "A" had happened instead of "B".  It just happens and it is much later into it that I realized that I just replayed hours of events based on one or two minor changes in mine or someone else’s behavior or speech.  Sometimes they are changes for the worse; sometimes for the better.  Rarely does it do me any good. Sometimes I am overwhelmed with several things that I need to do.  So I go through the list and think about each one that needs to get done. I guess it is just one of the ways I deal with stress and let me just say – it sucks.  Seriously – I may sound like I’m being slightly humorous here but that is only because I don’t wish to sound so negative and whiney. (is it working???) I really am quite angry and frustrated right now.  So not only do I have the frustration of life issues that keep me from sleeping but I am frustrated that I can’t sleep.  And what needed to be a productive Friday is very likely going to be unproductive because I will be tired.

Sorry to rant but I needed to do something other than lay in bed and since this is my blog, well – tough.  I have paid for the right to rant and you don’t have to read this if you don’t want to.  Oops – sorry, too late. 

In other news, my talk in Troy went well. Thanks for your prayers.  I had safe travel and a great chance to catch up with my friends from that area.  Today I had my eye appointment – first one in about 8 – 10 years.  When I paid, I remembered why I don’t do these appointments.  I made the transition to soft contact lenses from gas perm lenses.  This is a necessary change for three months to prepare my eyes for the Lasik surgery that I am going to have later in 2005 most likely.  I’m tired of messing with contacts.  Cut my eyes.  Bring it on.

Okay – I’m quitting.  I’m hoping that my blogging has been a successful transference of my anger and thinking so that now I’ll collapse into bed for the remaining hours I have to sleep.

2 Comments

  • Beth

    That happens to me a lot, too, Mel. I hate it when I’m exhausted and know that I should pass out when I get in bed, but instead I toss and turn until 5 am thinking about EVERYTHING that’s bothering me in life. I’m with ya, Pal!

  • Kailey

    Hey girl, sounds like your having a rough time and I’m sorry. I’m praying for you, that you will be able to breath in God’s peace on situations in your life so that you are not anaylizing them at the important times of rest. I love you and I’m so sorry that you are so frustrated. Give me a call if you want to talk. LOVE YOU!

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