I have a thing with trust. I’ll just put it out there. It is naturally difficult for me to trust. Then add a few bad experiences over life where trust was violated, intuition failed and you have hyper-mistrust.
I have been aware of it for a long time but am having to face it again. So much of it is forcing yourself to do rational thinking. When all the facts say its okay to trust and when your gut says its okay to trust, there is still that irrational, self-preservation cry in the back of your mind that screams “Don’t do it! How many times do you have to be hurt in order to learn your lesson? Are you an idiot?” You know the voice is irrational and you don’t want to listen to it but on some level you also know that you’ve been at this fork in the road before and you didn’t listen. And once again, you stand at the fork in the road but with another scar or two and a heavier load of baggage then the last time. There is a bad taste in your mouth and as you look to the left and then to the right, you secretly wonder if you even have the strength within to try this one more time.
But somehow you do. Not because you receive some 100% guarantee that you are taking the right road and you will be hurt-free. But because you hope. You hope that this time is different. You hope that this choice will be better because you learned from the first one or the second one or all previous ones. You hope that you might still experience the blessings that you’ve dreamed about whereas if you don’t hope, you are guaranteed not to. You simply hope . . . and so far, hope is still enough to take the first step one more time. It is still scary as hell but you hope nevertheless.
Let me leave you with this plea – please be careful with one another. We are all fragile no matter how thick the walls that we each build up around ourselves. We need to handle each other with care and compassion and tenderness. This is what community looks like in the kingdom of God and this type of community is possible when each of us commits to living and loving in the way of Christ. Is it really possible? Well, no guarantees but we can hope.
Do you have an issue with trust? What are ways you have learned to trust again?