"What I believe is not what I say I believe. What I believe is what I do."
Donald Miller in Blue Like Jazz.
Ouch. If the above statement is truth then I believe:
- my needs often come above the needs of others.
- my time is more important than other people’s time.
- God didn’t make me beautiful enough on the outside.
- someone else will take care of the violence in Darfur.
- it is enough to feel hurt for people. Doing something to actually help is optional.
- my life is my own.
- I don’t need others.
- food can make you feel better.
- I can do a better job planning my own life than God.
- God does not keep his promises.
Tonight there is a disappointing reflection staring back at me in the mirror. I’m seeing some wrinkles and age spots I’ve not seen before under the light of this quote. I could stand here for a long time picking apart my reflection, cursing every blemish present but as I stare with a saddened and shamed heart, the transparent reflection of Christ begins to appear over my own face. His beautiful eyes, staring back at me, are deep oceans of compassion and grace. I cannot look away. What is it that I see in the depths of His eyes? Understanding? Forgiveness? Love? Belief in me?
I am so fixated on His beautiful face that I lose sight of my blemishes and wrinkles for a moment. They are still there, of course, but they all but vanish from my sight. I fix my gaze on Him and I’m not distracted by my humanness and failures.
Don’t look down, Melissa. Just look into His eyes and go forward.