Random Reflections

Who am I?

Catch up time:  This week has been incredibly busy – all day and every evening so I haven’t had time to post regularly.  However, I have been experiencing many blessings the last few days that I must share.

Thursday: Spent time with family and especially my dad for the first time since he returned from Europe.  So great to have him home.  Continue to pray for his health as he is still sick.

Friday: CBF-MO General Assembly began and we are the host church this year so it was a crazy weekend. Attended a morning conference here at the church on the practice of Sabbath.  Dr. Mike Graves from Central Seminary was the leader and his thoughts and teachings about the commandment for sabbath in our lives was very rich for me.  Spent the afternoon actually practicing sabbath with a friend and it was exactly what was needed.  We "ceased" for a few hours.  It would be an understatement to say I was quite moved by the experience and believe sabbath should become a regular part of my week.

Saturday: At the church for morning conferences and worship.  Worship was amazing – a true worship time for me.  Let me share two things with you from it.  The first is a poem by Brian Wren that moved me deeply:

A child, a woman and a man are people dear and close to me –
A name, a smile, a voice I know,
A hand I touch, a face I see;
And more than I can see or know
I know that Jesus knows and loves
That very woman, child and man.

Then love us, Jesus, as you can,
Until we see, confess, condemn,
More than the evil others do,
The evils we might do to them.

Come, humanize our speech and thought
Till we are looking through your eyes
At every woman, child and man.

We had a time of silent meditation over this piece and I was so struck by this – especially the center part of recognizing and confessing our own evils that we do to others.

Then, later in the service, our pastor, Dr. Sager, delivered an amazing message on "Blessed are the Balanced" based on the Luke 10:38-42 passage about Mary and Martha.  Adding it to the sabbath mix from Friday brought continue healing and rest to my spirit.  We entered into a time of communion by intinction and I was so moved during this time.  I wept with overwhelming gratitude for the way the Lord has cared for me recently and for how God has freed me from some self-imposed bondage.  Read the words of the song, Who am I, by Casting Crowns that was sung during the communion and which left me speechless and broken before God:

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth, would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt?
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star, would choose to light the way for my every wand’ring heart?
Not because of who I am, but because of what you’ve done.
Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are.
I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind.
Still You hear me when I’m calling.
Lord, You catch me when I’m falling.
And You’ve told me who I am: I am yours.
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin would look on me with love, and watch me rise again?
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea, would call out through the rain and calm the storm in me?
Not because of who I am, but because of what You’ve done.
Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are.

That song breaks me every time I hear it.  This song could come straight from my heart it is so true to how I feel.  I just can’t believe God loves me, that He cares for me . . . but God does. I’m so broken that God sees my sin and still loves me. I’m so grateful that God calms the storm within me.  I’m so overwhelmed that God hears me when I call and God catches me when I fall and He still calls me His.  Thank you, thank you, thank you a thousand times over.

Peace – Melissa

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